When it happened I remember hoping that at any moment security would hear me screaming and make it stop. I didn’t care that they’d see me naked. Or that id have to explain that was my boyfriend. Or what I was doing there in the first place. They never came to save me. For a long time afterwards I didn’t know what to do. I tried to talk to him about it but he dismissed it saying that’s what I liked. He didn’t think I could read into that power exchange and the reason why my body became a site of violence. It took a suicide attempt, hospitalization and a semester off school to come back. I went to DISHCO and asked what my options are. We do the same thing on the same campus and I didn’t want to see him again. At best they offered me a talk with him. One I’d never be able to tell anyone about. What about him being expelled? Him staying as far away from me as possible? I was supposed to be graduating that year. I didn’t, he did. He’s doing his masters now and I have to see him everyday. I have to relive being violated everyday. My psychiatrist says I’m going to live with that forever. UCT has played no part in making any of it easier. On the same campus a serial rapist was given community service, what of me if that’s the way they deal with it? They asked me to take time off. When I came back they became insistent I take more time off. I don’t think it was to help me, more that as a victim of rape I was the liability. Not him.